maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nutella sex= disaster
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
