My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
