That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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