i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
