so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone shattered a urinal.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
