so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
