worst night to have a conscience
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i think i just lost a toe
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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