If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
