That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
