today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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