Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
