Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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