I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
