i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
