I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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