Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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