whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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