lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
