you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
