My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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