Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
