So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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