My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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