using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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