I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
