There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
