her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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