Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
