i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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