dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
