the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
