my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
