My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the condom got lost in my hair
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
