Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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