similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
