I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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