I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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