Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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