im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Even my vagina gasped.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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