I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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