we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
North Korea, Best Korea!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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