I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
