this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize