I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
