It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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