I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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