what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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