im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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