i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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