If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
