Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
