so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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