i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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