Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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