Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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