I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
