Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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