he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
