In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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