Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
