I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
