i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
