I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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