So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He felt like a one man threesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Randomize
