They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
