I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
