so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
