someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
