shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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